My baby is one today and I feel so many things!
One year ago today I took the leap of faith and started this blog. Not for money or for popularity, but because I wanted other people to know they weren't alone and that I got their particular brand of crazy 😜😜 lol.
In my day to day life, I have done a very good job of portraying myself as someone who has it together.
And most of the time I do.
But these last few months have been....
We'll use the word challenging.
My job is extremely stressful, my family has been going through a lot, and this is a time in ministry where I need to focus...
With all these challenges, my imposter syndrome has been trying to kick into high gear lately.
What is imposter syndrome you ask?
Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon or fraud syndrome or the imposter experience) is a concept describing high-achieving individuals who are marked by an inability to internalize their accomplishments and a persistent fear of being exposed as a "fraud".
I thought I had gotten over this, but like I said, the last few months have been challenging, so my imposter syndrome has come back and is rearing its ugly head.
"When are they going to realize that you are NOT supposed to be in this position at work?"
"When is your family going to realize that you are the weakest link?"
"When are the church folks going to realize that you aren't good enough to lead anybody?"
I'd been in a constant state of:
"Keep it together Akira. All you have to do is out work, dance, pray, and clean everyone else. Always be available. Stay dependable. Focus. Do the work so you can look like you belong here."
So I can LOOK LIKE I belong here...
I'd been going back and forth with these feelings for a while.
I was honestly about to step down from everything I was doing because I couldn't shake this fraud feeling I had and we all know:
Then a few weeks ago, I started reading some of my old posts and journals I have in the house. I read my first post ever and thought about how I kept thinking 'this is crazy.'
'No one is going to care what you think.'
'Nothing you say is going to change anything.'
'You're about to tell all your business to folks and they are just going to chew you up and spit you out.'
But I kept writing.
I couldn't stop.
It was freeing.
It was therapeutic.
It was life changing.
As I read through my old posts, I remember where I was when I wrote those things.
And the words I didn't say.
I remembered why I started my blog in the first place.
I remembered that everything that I've been through has brought me to this place.
I am supposed to be here and I'm not weak.
Actually, far from it.
So I encourage you to write your journey out.
Use a journal, start a YouTube page, or even start a blog, but document your growth, so when that icky imposter syndrome tries to sneak up, you can show yourself how for you've come and show yourself that you've worked for everything you have.
You deserve the success you have.
You deserve the love you receive.
So as I celebrate this one year milestone, I smile and I thank y'all. Thank y'all for evey comment, share, repost, and retweet. Thank y'all for growing with me.
It means so much to me to know that me being transparent isn't in vain, because despite how it might look, it's EXTREMELY hard for me.
So cheers to one year and cheers to many more❤️