Realization of Appreciation
This is going to be a long one, so bear with me lol.
Two weeks ago I went out for coffee with my friend Taniesha and it was amazing! She's full of wisdom, so of course she dropped a million gems on me, but I've really been thinking about one particular part of our conversation:
Your best friend is like your first marriage.
With that being said, let me tell you about my marriage.
If you've known me any length of time, then you know Jessica.
Jessica has been my best friend since 2003 when we were both freshmen in highschool. We bonded over our mutual pettiness lol.
(Don't judge lol. We were children. What's your excuse?)
Anyway, since that time, we've been though EVERYTHING together:
Just about anything you can think of, we've probably dealt with in some way.
And through the whole time, she's always let me know in her own way that we'll always be sisters.
Me, not so much.
During my convo with Taneisha, I realized that I take our friendship for granted.
I go through phases of being a hermit. I don't want to be bothered with anyone for any reason and that includes her.
Except she won't let me.
Since I've known her, she has been a constant in my life (except that six months when she was... Nevermind. That's another post lol).
The problem is I'm not really used to people being constant and because of that, I tend to...
Not know how to treat them all the time.
I remember being in high school and Jessica being EXTREMELY protective of me and our friendship and I did not know how to deal.
I remember saying to her one day, "Are we gay and I just don't know it?" after I became really close to another girl in school and she didn't like it lol.
As time passed, we were always "Jessica and Akira", which I grew to resent. I HATED how everyone ALWAYS put us together. Jessica has always been the social butterfly out of the two of us and for a really long time, I was okay with that, but as we grew up and I started to come into my own, it drove me crazy!
Anyway, now that we're older, I've realized that I haven't always been the best friend to her.
There have been times when she has made me feel a way, but instead of discussing it, I would write her off in my head and go into hermit mode. I would say, 'I don't need her' or 'I had a whole life before her and my life will move on without her'.
There are other times when I would get so frustrated that I just want to check out on her, but she won't let me! She's always there lol.
In the back of my mind, I always know she'll be there, which is why I'm wrong.
She's one of the most caring, crazy, loving, and honest people I know and I honestly don't know how I would've been able to weather the last 12 years of my life without her. I realized that I didn't know how to say that to her because if I said it out loud and then for whatever reason we stopped being friends, I wouldn't be able to claim that I didn't care anyway.
But I do care.
I've been able to do this thing called life with this crazy girl who doesn't allow my ego or insecurities to push her away and for that I'm thankful. Also, our friendship has caused our families to become one big melting pot and I love it!
So yea, I guess this is a lot like a marriage.
And I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else❤️.