So it's that time of the year where my self reflection and self criticizing goes into hyperdrive.
Yup, birthday is coming up!!
Don't get me wrong, I love my birthday! It's my second favorite holiday behind Jesus's birthday, but the closer it gets, the more critical I get and the more I pick apart every aspect of my life.
Where am I spiritually?
Where am I financially?
Where am I mentally?
How are my relationships?
How do I feel about me?
Every year I go down this list and this is the first year that I'm not discouraged about where I am. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be further along, but I have found peace in this place. This is the first year that I really evaluated how I felt about me. All of me. Not the highlight reel that I love to share with everyone, but the parts that I try to bury and hope just go away. This was the first year that I really sifted through how I felt about everything and I know that has caused me to be a better person and fall in love with me. It wasn't easy though.
When I first started this evaluation, I thought about what I wanted to reflect. I'm a vibey kinda girl. When someone looked at me, what vibe did I want them to have? More importantly, when I looked in the mirror, what did I want to see looking back at me because I wasn't all the way happy. I started to think about the things that made me happy and made me feel like me.
My mom has always called me her hippy child because I love peace, love, rainbows, and overall goodness lol. I truly want to believe that there is good in everyone. I've always been a little different than everyone else. This is something that I always struggled with because it made me stick out like a sore thumb, which I hated when I was younger. Now that I'm older, I fully embrace my otherness because that is what makes me unique and to push that part of me away is to reject apart of myself. As I began to my embrace my hippiness (yes, I made up a word lol), I started to listen to a lot of Solange.
Solange is the poster child of a well rounded black girl to me. She's so unapologetic about who she is and at a time when I felt held hostage by others expectations, that freedom she exhibited looked like a breath of fresh air, so I went for it.
I blocked out the voices that told me to think of how others would see me.
I stopped asking people for certain opinions.
And I started to trust the voice that God had given to me.
As I prayed about direction and focus, I thought about the women who loved God the way I strived to. I remember when I first got serious about my walk with God, I made it my mission to find people who were going to encourage and hold me accountable. One of them introduced me to Kiki Sheard.
Kierra Sheard is one of those artists that you can tell is living out the life she sings about. Her heart is in full pursuit of God and she's unapologetic about it. This is something that I strive for on a daily basis. She is a girl who shows that Christians can be well rounded individuals and not one dimensional. I love that.
I encourage you to look at your circle. Look at people you admire. Don't copy off of them, but look at the traits that draw you to that person. We should all want to grow and be better. What traits do they possess that can make you better?
I'm a firm believer that God creates us differently for a reason. It is our responsibility to embrace all the sides to be able to fully give Him glory. There are people you will be able to minister to and ultimately became apart of the body of Christ because of you being you. Don't miss your assignment because you're caught up on no longer fitting into someone else's box.
Besides, boxes are so overrated.
So as my birthday gets closer, instead of solely focusing on what I need to improve, I'm going to celebrate my growth, continue to improve, and let God continue His work in me.