Based in Cleveland, oh, this blog is ran by Akira. the purpose of this blog is to encourage, inspire, and show that you aren't alone living this crazy thing called life!❤️

Dear Elizabeth...

Dear Elizabeth...

When I was 18 or 19, I had a miscarriage. It never really started to bother me until recently. One night, I woke up in tears and felt led to write this letter... I then felt let to share...

Dear Elizabeth,

I never would've named you that in real life, but that's the name your auntie J came up with, so yea lol... 

We never got far enough to get to real names though. I remember when I first found out about you. I was emotionally all over the place. I was happy, sad, scared... 

I didn't know what to do, but once I made my decision, I became extremely protective. I just knew you would be a girl. I was already thinking about how you would look and what your personality would be like. 

When I first started bleeding, the doctor said I was threatening to lose you, that I was under too much stress and that I needed to relax. 

I was working two jobs, in school, had family stuff going on, and in a relationship. Yea, I was stressed. 

But I didn't want to lose you... 

I remember rubbing my stomach and thinking I promise I'll calm down. I promise I'll eat better and treat myself better. I promise daddy and mommy with be better to one another.

I promise.. 

I remember the day you left me.

I remember knowing the moment it happened.

My heart dropping to the floor.

My looking in the toilet and seeing...

You...

I sat there and stared for what felt like forever, but eventually I had to flush.

It was the hardest thing for me to do. I felt a part of me die that day.

My sadness turned into anger. I hated everybody. 

Myself most. 

What was wrong with me? 

Why does a part of me feel relieved? 

Why couldn't I carry you? 

Protect you?

Why am I broken?.. 

I handled all those emotions the best way I knew how to then. 

I bottled them up and acted like they didn't exist. I told everyone that I was good. 

Ok. 

Fine. 

It's just another one of those things... 

And I was able to live in that space for a long time. 

Until Jayonna. 

She changed everything. Your God sister stabbed a piece of me that I didn't realize was still broken. 

I was devastated because not only was I grieving her, but a part of me had began to grieve for you too...

But I wasn't ready, so I shut it down and I was ok... 

Until recently...

You've been bombarding me lately and I don't know how I feel about it. 

I keep dreaming about you. 

Seeing you... 

One of my consistent prayers has been for God to help expose all the things that I need to deal with so He could use me fully. I believe that's the reason you keep coming to me. I think it's so I can grieve you properly, then let go. Looking back, I know why you came into my life when you did. The thought of you made me want to be a better person.

It still does.

So thank you. I love you. And I hope I'm making you proud😊. 

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I know that I deserve him.

I know that I deserve him.

Art>Artist?

Art>Artist?